“Hello, Sweetie,” River Song said with a smile.
“Um… hi,” a man said, slightly surprised that he was being called “sweetie”. “I’m Captain Jack Harkness,” he said, shaking her hand. “Do you call everyone ‘sweetie’, or am I just lucky?” he asked with a smile.
“Sorry, I just… thought you were someone different.”
“Oh.”
“No need to sound to so upset,” she said, with a slight smile.
“Right… so what brings you here, anyway?”
“This isn’t where I’m supposed to be. The coordinates must have got messed up. It’s very frustrating.”
“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad!” Jack replied with a smile.
“Are you flirting with me?”
“Possibly…”
“You do know that I’m married, right?”
“Oh, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Somebody’s a very lucky man,” Jack answered with a smirk.
“Didn’t you get it? I’m taken.”
“Whatever. I still think you’re hot.” River sighed in exasperation.
“So, do you come here often?” she asked, deciding to play along.
“It’s the rift in Cardiff. I come here all the time.”
“We’re in Cardiff?”
“Yes, don’t you have a map?”
“Obviously not.”
“Sorry, I just thought someone as smart as you would bring a map.”
“Are you flirting with me again?”
“Maybe…”
“Again, what are you doing here?”
“Right now? Talking with a beautiful woman.” Jack’s smile kept getting bigger and bigger.
“Oh, shut up! You know what I mean!”
“You know you’re beautiful, don’t deny it.” River sighed. “But anyway…” Jack showed River the vortex manipulator on his wrist. River showed him her identical one. They accidentally touched the two together and sparks flew. “What?”
“Oh, mine must be a future version of yours.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“What?”
“It’s just sort of… wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey.”
“I only know one person who talks like that.” River smiled and winked.
“Hello!”
“But seriously, what are you doing?”
“Well, I was hoping to find the Doctor…” River smiled.
“Ah, yes. He’s so hard to find, isn’t he?”
“So then you do know him. Ha!”
“Know him? Of course I know him! Hasn’t he mentioned me?”
“Well, no…”
“He probably hasn’t met me yet, then. But mark my words: there’s no point in flirting with him. He’s taken.”
“You don’t mean…”
“I do.”
“Better be careful about saying that phrase, you might find yourself married to another handsome man,” Jack replied with a smile, pointing at himself.
“Oh, shut up.”
“Not a chance.”
“No, but seriously, what are you here for?”
“I’m a time agent.”
“Archaeologist.”
“The Doctor married an archaeologist? No way!”
“Spoilers,” River replied with a wink. “So who do you have to protect?”
“Spoilers,” Jack replied, which earned him a slap from River. “Okay, okay… I’m here to protect a woman called Melody Pond, also known as River Song…” He looked up.
“Spoilers,” Jack replied, which earned him a slap from River. “Okay, okay… I’m here to protect a woman called Melody Pond, also known as River Song…” He looked up.
“Hello!” Jack pulled out his card on River Song.
“Ooh, it looks like you’re wanted for murder. Who did you kill?” He leaned in close and whispered, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”
River leaned even closer and whispered, “Spoilers.”
Jack leaned in even closer and whispered, “Spoilers were made to be revealed.” River sighed and leaned in so close that their lips accidentally touched.
“Sorry.” She quickly backed away, then whispered into his ear, “I killed the Doctor.”
“WHAT?!”
“Not so loud!”
“Sorry. But seriously, what happened?”
“I was stolen from my parents at birth and engineered as a psychopath trained to kill him. I tried, then I saved him, then I killed him, then I didn’t, then time went wrong, and then I “killed” him, but he survived. It’s complicated.”
“You’re telling me!”
“And we don’t ever meet in the right order.”
“You think that’s bad, I can’t die! It’s getting kind of annoying.”
“Now that I think about it, I remember the Doctor talking about you. He said there was a sort of… wrongness to you after Bad Wolf.” Jack nodded.
“He wouldn’t let me travel with them any more.”
“He can be ever so annoying,” River sympathized with a sigh. “But he’s my Doctor, and I love him.” Now Jack sighed. “Jealous?”
“I’m practically the king of flirting, but it’s really only the Doctor I want, and he’s taken. First Rose, now you.”
“Wait, who’s Rose?” River asked accusingly, leaning in close and glaring at Jack.
“Oh, he didn’t tell you? I’d expect not. Just don’t worry about it. She’s out of the picture.”
“Fine,” River replied, backing off with a sigh.
“So, now what?”
“Well, apparently it’s your job to protect me.”
“So?”
“Protect me,” River replied, leaning in close.
“Well, I think it’s time I took you out to a drink. You deserve it, you sexy girl.”
“You’ll have to catch me first!” she shouted, running off.
Jack ran after her with a smile, but then he sighed. The Doctor sure was a lucky man.
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